dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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