Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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