i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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