This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I want is dick and wine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
