next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
