Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we're making bets on your personal life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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