The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
