I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
