am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
