i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
