I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this is an emotional support booty call
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
