do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
