She is in my trunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
