i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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