if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
