is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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