Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
