before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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