she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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