Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
