At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
