THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
