I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize