Swine flu. Run for my life!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
