I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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