you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
