Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
