i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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