you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
