the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
