if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
