I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
