I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
