it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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