I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
