So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
