im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
