a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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