There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
