Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
