it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
