i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
