Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Text me some of your sweat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
