have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
