he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
