Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
