So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
