Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
