i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
