the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
