I want to walk on stilts...naked
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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