Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
