It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Two words: blizzard sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
