Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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