I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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