I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
