There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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