I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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