so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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