and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
