Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
