The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
