I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
