We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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