we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this is an emotional support booty call
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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