she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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