I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
