look no pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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